by Michelle Adkins
I’ve been a happy goat owner for nearly five years now, and in those years I’ve learned a lot.
Sure, I read all the information that’s available in books, forums, and websites, but sometimes, there’s just something to be said for the things that you discover along the way.
Today, I thought I would share a few with you.
Such as:
1. They’re addictive.
Like potato chips, I kid you not.
It starts innocently enough with just a couple of little goats, and then somehow balloons until you have a whole herd and become that most dreaded and feared of creatures. . . . the crazy goat lady (or man).
The worst part is, you won’t even realize it’s happening.
You will slowly descend from perfectly normal to peppering every single conversation with things like:
“You won’t believe what Luna did today!”
Or. . .
“Ugh, my hands are cramping from all that milking.”
Or even worse. . . .
“Do you want to see pictures of my new kids?”
2. They stink.
Well, books usually do mention this, but it deserves another telling here.
When I say they smell, let me explain a little bit. Not all goats do.
Does don’t. Kids don’t. Bucks in rut hoping to attract that special someone and get a little romance blooming? Stink to high heaven and back again.
Some worse than others, and for some strange reason, the friendlier they are the smellier they are. Usually. Example:
My friendliest and smelliest buck, Sammy.
The smell is so bad that even getting close to a really odiferous buck, let alone touching one, can mean that you end up carrying around that unbelievably strong bucky odor for the rest of the day. And don’t think you can jump in the shower and change clothes to get rid of it. Uh-uh, it doesn’t work that way.
After washing and washing and realizing it’s not coming off, you’ll probably go searching online for ways to get rid of the stench. I did. So, I’ll save you some time – no amount of bathing with toothpaste (oh yeah, I’ve tried it) or anything else will work 100%. For the most part, you just have to wear it off.
The good news is, after a few years of raising goats, it’s not quite as noticeable to you. Everyone else on the other hand? Eh, probably.
Which is why I have goat clothes and normal, everyday, wear-in-public clothes, and never the two shall meet.
3. They’re gateway animals.
While chickens are the ultimate gateway animal, goats aren’t far behind.
Once you have a herd of goats, you start thinking, ‘I want the whole farm experience,’ and then, it’s on like donkey kong. With emphasis on the donkey.
We’re talking sheep, livestock guardian dogs, turkeys, quail, chickens, ducks, alpacas, horses, and on and on and on. Pretty much the whole ark and then some.
4. Your life will change.
This goes along with #3. Not only do you suddenly have the desire to stock an ark, your whole lifestyle will change.
It will, trust me. Six years ago, I didn’t know how to make soap or milk a goat. No way. That was the furthest thing from my mind.
I was raised a city girl. Okay, more like a small town girl (population: 4,000+), but the point is, until the last few years, I’d always lived my life in town. Yes, I had dreams of living on a farm one day, but more along the lines of gentlewoman farmer than anything else. In those daydreams, I certainly wasn’t the one out there mucking out stalls and hand milking.
Now, that’s what I do. Along with feeding baby goats, incubating eggs, and learning everything I can about gardening, livestock, and expanding our farm.
Oh, yeah, and blogging. My blog is the direct result of my farming ambitions.
5. Which brings us to blogging and social media.
That’s right. Goats lead to all sorts of online caprine shenanigans. You’ll have an intense desire to connect with other goat and farm loving peeps, mostly because your friends and family will look at you like you’ve lost your mind. And at that point, you probably have.
Luckily, there is an infinite number of farming/homesteading blogs, forums, and websites where you can meet like-minded folks. Not only that, they’re a fantastic resource for learning all you can about your new found hobby.
As an added bonus, your loved ones will be thankful that you’re not overpopulating their feeds with pictures of nothing but goats.
6. Goats are cute.
They are. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that there is almost nothing cuter than a baby goat. Nothing, I tell you.
See for yourself.
7. Goats are mind readers and meteorologists.
It is almost set in stone. Pick the worst day of the year. The coldest, wettest, with a blizzard on its way or when you have a million plans for that day and are dressed in your nice, go-to-town clothes, and guess what will happen? Your sweet, precious doe will choose that day to kid.
So far, we’ve had kids born during severe thunderstorms, approaching hurricanes, on one of the coldest days of the decade, while we were out of town, and just hours before family events.
8. You’ll take on new job titles.
Like veterinarian, OB/GYN, cosmetologist, nail technician, animal trainer, and more that I honestly can’t think of right now.
Oh, and the biggest one? Servant. You read that right. You will become your goats’ servant.
When the Icepocalypse struck last year and the South was covered in the frozen stuff that we, being south Alabamians who usually only see ice in our tea, were not equipped to deal with, guess what I was doing? Staying warm and cozy in front of the fire? Not really.
I was carrying warm water to my, obviously smarter than me, goats who were warm and cozy in their houses.
9. Always be prepared.
Goats butt. Quite a bit. They’re also stronger than you’d think, especially those bucks in rut. And they’re animals, of course. Which means that accidents can happen. To the goats. To you. It’s a part of life.
Now, before you start worrying about future injuries, the only ones I’ve had that were caused by my goats have been a few scratches and bruises. In fact, this is my worst and most recent experience:
And while, it has gotten more colorful as the days have progressed and I certainly haven’t enjoyed the comments from strangers, such as, “I hope the other guy looks worse than you.” Yeah, I’ve gotten that one a lot this week, and no, she doesn’t look worse than me.
I’ve learned that I can handle almost anything and most importantly to always have first aid supplies available for both humans and goats.
10. You’ll love every minute of it.
Even with the smelly bucks, the stalls that need to be cleaned (wanna come help me?), the black eye, and the goat milk soaps that I desperately need to restock right now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Well, maybe a few billion dollars. But until someone knocks on my door and hands it to me, I think I’ll stay exactly where I’m at.
Michelle Adkins is the co-owner of Maiden Hill Farm and the author of The Country Chick blog. She spends her days milking goats, wrangling chickens, making soap, and sharing those experiences on her blog.